38 weeks - Almost There!

Baby is the size of a winter melon. I hadn't really heard of this one but here's what Google says it is!

The Mossling is officially fully cooked and probably weighing in at around 7 lbs.  We have a check up on Monday, which should be our last one before the c-section on 7/21. 

I've been having some period like cramps only in the evenings for the last few days. Nothing I would call a contraction and nothing we're able to time.  Acid reflux continues to be a struggle with his head so close to my stomach, but it will soon be all worth it. 

I put together some progression images for fun.  See how the lump on top starts to really protrude in the last couple? Yup, that's a noggin! 

The swelling in my face, hands and feet seem to have finally gone down.  Now, it's all belly!! Well, and some hips and thighs, but I've had those all along :)

Giving Birth ‘Naturally’ Does Not Make You More Of A Woman

This is a hot button for me.  Nate and I couldn't get pregnant 'naturally' and now we need medical science again in order to deliver our baby safely.  100 years ago not only would I never have gotten pregnant, if by some miracle I did, my child and/or I could have serious complications and possibly not survive delivery.

Because we choose to use medical science to help us does not mean we will be bad parents or that our child will be less amazing or natural.  And, giving birth naturally is not a measure of success for being a woman!   I'm not against natural medicine or herbal remedies, but sometimes they are not the only answer and definitely shouldn't be looked at as superior to other options that result in the same end goal.  The end goal here is to have a happy healthy baby, not to prove anything.

This article says it way better than I can.  I'm so tired of people constantly praising women who are able to give birth 'naturally' and attempting to commiserate with those of us who needed assistance. We don't need your condolences because we need medical assistance.  Your well wishes and support are appreciated, however.

Now for an update:

At 37 weeks the Mossling is the size of a large cantaloupe and weighs about 6.5 pounds.

He's still heads up. I can feel his head pushing into my ribcage when he stretches out.  It hurts.  Sleeping is getting harder. Acid reflux is getting worse. 15 more days. I can do this. 

C-section is scheduled for 7/21. Hope we make it that far without having to rush in for an emergency c-section.   We have a dr appointment on 7/13 for an ultrasound again to make sure he's still in breech position. 

36 Weeks and Breech

So good news is Mossling is doing well. He has a strong heartbeat, good amount of fluid around him, and normal size etc.  Bad news is, he's butt down instead of heads down.  GRRRR!

Sigh. So... we have a choice to make. He's pretty tight in there so chances that he'll turn around on his own are pretty slim. The Dr gave me some exercises and positions I can try to help encourage him but our choices are:

1) Try to turn him next week at 37 weeks by doing a version procedure at the hospital. There are minor risks of the bag of waters breaking or the cord getting stuck around his neck, etc. In which case they'd do an emergency c-section on the spot. Dr says the procedure can be pretty painful for me too. There's no guarantee he wont flip back over either. 

OR

2) We can just schedule the c-section for 39 weeks.

Honestly, I'm somewhat relieved because I'm more scared of the idea of pushing him out my vagina vs. having surgery! haha Maybe I have my priorities or fears mixed up. 

Another thing to consider is if we want to have another child, we'll have to go through IVF again and scar tissue from c-sections can complicate implantation. I emailed both Dr Holland and our IVF Dr. Harris to ask their opinions on that. 

We have some decisions to make. Why can't anything be easy? 

34 Weeks - Getting Closer!

This week the little Mossling is about the size of a honeydew weighing in at about 5lbs and could be as long as 20 inches. 

We had our checkup this morning.  My blood pressure is good, 116/62, I've only gained 1 lb in the last 2 weeks, baby is measuring on track, and his heartbeat is strong and steady.  

We go back for the 36 week appointment on the 29th of June and get to finally see him again via ultrasound. Mom & Dad will be here by then so Mom & Nate get to see him too :) 

His movements have stopped being so jerky and now are more of rolls and stretches since he's running out of room in there. 

Nate installed the car seat base and car seat yesterday.  We organized most of the onesies and other clothes by size.  I think we're almost ready! 

This is getting real!!!! AAAAH!

32 Weeks 5 days - Hiccups, Backaches and Braxton Hicks

I'm almost 33 weeks. Baby is the size of a head of lettuce and 17-19 inches long.

He's reached is full length most likely, but still at only 4-4 1/2 lbs he could double in weight. I'd be ok with a less than 8lb baby please!

The hiccups started a few weeks ago.  Mostly at night and for the past 3 days at 5-5:30 am.  It feels like little rhythmic thumps and wakes me up! Its supposed to be a good sign that his lungs are developing.

My back is starting to ache if I stay in one position for too long.  I anticipate it will get worse as my belly continues to stick out farther and farther.

I've had a few Braxton Hicks feelings. Nothing painful just tightening of the belly that slowly creeps up and then slowly fades. Dr. said not to worry about them unless they come on quickly and I have more than 1 an hour or so or if they last longer than 60 seconds.

3 more weeks of work! I can't wait to be done. Its hard to concentrate!

28 Weeks, Third Trimester, and Gestational Diabetes

At 28 weeks the baby is about the size of an eggplant, measuring about 16 inches long and weighing 2.5lbs. Chances of survival outside the womb at this point are up to 90%.

This week begins the third trimester.  Baby has started having REM cycles so could be dreaming :).  He's opening and closing his eyes now and could be starting to have some hiccups, although I haven't felt that yet. 

The acid reflux (GERD) has been mostly under control for the past couple of weeks.  Zantac and smaller meals seems to really help. Not coughing up a lung from being sick is helpful too. 

I had to go do the 3 hour glucose test again though and this time I failed, meaning I have Gestational Diabetes.  The numbers were really very close so it's marginal, but I'm not terribly surprised. I'm still really frustrated with how they test for it.  Diabetes runs in my family and I already eat healthy and get exercise almost daily.  I don't drink sugary drinks or eat desserts all the time, but hey let's have you fast for 10 hours then drink 100g of sugar and see how you feel, ok? 

Sigh.  So, now I get to meet with a nutritionist and test my blood 3x a day.  But, you know what? After all the needles I've stabbed myself with, these will be nothing.  I seriously doubt I'll have to change my diet much if any at all. 

25 Weeks

This week my uterus is the size of a soccer ball.  UGH! And only getting bigger :)

Little Mr. Moss is about 13 inches long from head to toe, and 9 inches from head to rump. These are just averages, so Nate's child may be much longer.

Baby's lungs are starting to develop. If he were born this week, he'd have a fairly good chance of survival but would spend a couple months in the NICU at least.

I've had a rough couple of weeks.  Last week I felt some pelvic pressure that was new and scary so we went in and had an early check up. Baby was fine, cervix was tightly closed and not shortening, etc.  Dr chalked it up to stretching and baby putting pressure on my pelvic area, which is normal.

So, we flew to Portland to have a fun weekend with Dayna & Andy.  It was great fun, except I caught the flu or a cold and was coughing up a lung by Monday.  I completely lost my voice for a couple days and slept in the recliner.

This past weekend, I finally started to feel better. On Sunday, I happened to be wearing a tank top and went into the restroom where I noticed a mole on my back that has been there forever, is now 3x its normal size.  Looking further, 2 others on my back look to have increased in size as well.  So, I called the advice nurse and she told me to have the OB look at them on Tuesday when we go in. It could be pregnancy related. Hormones do wacky things!  I want to insist on a dermatologist referral and get them removed though.

Then, Sunday night my stomach started to hurt, really hurt. Tums, tea, walking, sitting, lying on either side... nothing helped.   The pain got so bad I could barely stand, so off we went to the ER at 10 pm.

Baby is fine with a strong heartbeat, but turns out I have pregnancy related GERD or acid reflux.  They took some blood for tests and had me drink this nasty Maalox / Lidocaine combination to help with the pain. It was really strange because it numbed everything on it's way down, but it helped!  Blood work came back normal. No infections, etc. The only thing they noticed was that my red blood cell count was low, which is another normal thing for pregnancy, but they want me on iron pills now.  Yay anemia. This explains why I've been feeling dizzy lately!

So, I'm exhausted and worried a bit about these moles on my back but we have an appointment tomorrow with the OB.

Here's hoping we both get some sleep tonight!

21 weeks 6 days

Not much new to report this week. Baby is kicking up a storm. Especially after I eat :)

What's interesting this week is the baby starts to swallow an oz or two of amnionic fluid practicing for when he's born.

That means what I eat, he can taste :)  Hope he likes peanut butter and chocolate muffins haha.   Actually, I've had brussel sprouts, salad, fruit, eggs, etc as well. Maybe it will help him eat his veggies? I can hope right?

The crib arrived int he store today. Have to schedule delivery. That's the last big piece of furniture for the room.  Excited to meet our little man.

Here's a 21 week pic with Nate photo butt bombing haha

20 Weeks, 2 Days. Halfway there and it's a BOY!

This week the baby weighs about 10 ounces and is about 6-6 1/2 inches long from crown to rump.

I'm starting to feel little pops from the inside. It's really weird!  Nate can't feel anything yet even with his hand on my tummy. That will soon change I'm sure.

So here's the story of the first ever in utero sex change.  At week 16 the tech thought she saw a labia. Thankfully, we didn't tell the world it was a girl just in case she was wrong. 16 weeks is really early to see everything and the only reason we did a scan then was because I originally had twins and was on a more frequent scanning schedule.  They were kind and kept me on the schedule to help assuage my fears of losing both babies.

At 19 weeks, 3 days we had our anatomy scan.  We asked the tech to tell us if she could could confirm it was a girl.  She was more interested in the brain, heart, etc. which are all perfect, but finally she says, "You've been saying 'She' and I see a penis and a scrotum."  HAHA Poof! Sex change!

She brought the doctor on staff in to confirm so we wouldn't have any doubts.  Yep, it's a boy.  See?

Imagine the baby is sitting on a glass coffee table and you're underneath looking up. The white dots are what the first tech saw and are probably reflections or butt bones cuz that thing in the middle is definitely a little baby wee wee! :)

I had ordered these beautiful ruby red slippers planning for a photo announcement for a girl so we had to scramble to find some boy shoes fast.   More photos to come later but this one turned out really well. River is playing guard dog already! 

Yes we have some names picked out, but we're not going to decide until he gets here. Thanks for following along!

19 Weeks 6 Days.. and SURPRISE!!!

Baby is six inches long this week and about a half pound in weight and about the size of a large mango. Mmmm mango.

We had our 19 week anatomy scan on Tuesday and well let's just say Nate and I were surprised! So good news is the baby is growing right on track and has all the essential parts and pieces; 4 quadrants of the heart, brain is developing on track, brain stem is visible, nose, lips, eyes, etc. We can rule out cleft palate, etc.

I did the last round of blood work for the chromosomal testing so we'll see in a few days the odds for Downs and other related disorders but everything is looking good.

The surprise is the gender.  What we thought we saw at week 16, we didn't :) Good thing we did a gender neutral nursery!  We're perfectly happy with either but it was a bit of a shock.

We're doing something fun with some photos to reveal the gender to our friends so hang on. I promise the wait won't be long.  In the mean time, here's a profile view of our Mossling at 19 weeks.

18 Weeks 3 Days

Baby is about 5 1/2 - 6 inches long and about the size of a bell pepper

mmm now I'm hungry. :) 

Baby can recognize voices now! That's pretty exciting and scary.  Are you listening to everything I say baby? :) 

My boobs have been hurting pretty badly lately.  We have our OB appointment on Thursday so I'll mention it but I am sure it's normal.  

Not much change in MY size in the last couple of weeks, which is good.  I'm sure baby is still growing strong.

16 weeks                                              18 weeks

 

My parents and brothers came this past weekend to help paint the nursery. We got so much done! Yay for family help.  Still need to order the crib, but I have plenty of coupons for Buy Buy Baby now so we'll do that maybe this weekend if we can.  Have to go down there to order it as the coupon is only good in store and its worth 20% on a big ticket item. 

That's all for now!

17 Weeks 4 Days and yay for Prego Pants!

Baby is about 5 inches long and about the size of an onion.

Baby is starting to put on baby fat to match mommy's! :) I'm feeling pretty good. Tired and unshapely, but it's all worth it.

Baby's fingerprints are forming and he/she can be startled by noises now which is good because fetuses who regularly hear a dog barking will become babies who sleep right through it.  So please, ring the doorbell and make River bark her head off when you come see us!

My parents are coming this weekend to help us paint the nursery.  Maybe we'll have an impromptu yard sale and try to get rid of the furniture building up in the garage!

Looking forward to putting the wall decals up and getting the furniture ordered.

16 Weeks, 3 Days - New Pictures!

Baby is now weighing 3-5 oz and measuring 4-5 inches in length.  Facial muscles are developing allowing baby to make a few facial expressions.  Most excitingly baby can start to hear our voices. Tiny bones in the ears are developing :)  We need to start singing to the baby!

We had our 16 week scan this morning. Baby is measuring right on track. All parts and pieces are there :)  The technician is fairly certain of the gender, but we're not sharing people outside immediate family yet. We'll be able to confirm it in 3 weeks on our next scan.  

Here's an updated pic!

15 Weeks, 3 Days - Much Whining Below:

January is finally over.  I wish I could believe all the setbacks and sadness were behind us. First, the positive:

Baby is now the size of a large orange at about 4 inches.

I ate one of these with lunch today. It was yummy :) I bought a fetal doppler last week and have found the heartbeat several times. It's reassuring. 

Here's the bad:  I feel like much of this applies to me - http://www.babycenter.com/0_depression-during-pregnancy_9179.bc

January was a particularly stressful month, but if you look back at all we've been through over the last 2 years to get to this point, it's not surprising that I am probably depressed.  Yes, this is supposed to be a happy time but, telling me to "think positive" and "be positive" doesn't help. 

The article above indicates 1 in 10 women will suffer from depression during pregnancy and those who have had losses or gone through fertility treatments are more susceptible. I've never been on anxiety or anti-depression medication, but if I don't snap out of it soon I may have to consider my options. 

Going through 4 rounds of fertility treatments, losing one of the twins, several deaths right in a row last month.. it's just too much.  On top of that, I feel like I have no control over what's happening to my body.  12-13 years ago, I fought to lose almost 60lbs and seeing it slowly creep back on and not having the ability to work out crazy hard to fight it back is making me nuts. Yes, yes, I know it's baby and I'll lose it when I breast feed etc, but that doesn't help the emotions now.  Being short and not stick thin to begin with makes me feel like a butterball turkey!

My afternoon meeting today was cancelled so I decided to go to Macy's to the Motherhood section and see if I could find another pair of jeans that fit. I have one.  I tried on 6 pairs and nothing.  Finally found a pair of black velour / velvet lounge pants and picked up a t-shirt.   I got in my car and called Massage Envy and went and had a massage.  Felt good, but lying on my left side for 30 min was not 100% comfortable.  Came home and ordered two pairs of the jeans I know will fit online.  Sigh.

I really want sushi and a drink. 

14 Weeks, 2 Days and January Sucks

The baby is about the size of a nectarine at about 3 1/2 inches in length.

The baby is on the move constantly, but I don't feel a thing yet.  In fact, I feel normal other than feeling heavy.  Well, as normal as I can be after 4 days at hospice and little sleep. Grandma passed away this morning around 8 am in her sleep. I am glad I got to spend the last few days with her.

This has been a very rough month with more than anyone's fair share of death affecting our friends and family. Suddenly, I'm very afraid for our remaining baby. I know the risks of loss at this point are low, but the waiting between sonograms is torture. So far, no bleeding, cramping or other signs of miscarriage, but 2/10 cannot get here fast enough.

13 Weeks 3 Days

Little baby Moss is the size of a Georgia peach and a little over 3 inches long. Vocal cords are developing this week :) as well as bones in arms and legs.

I'm feeling pretty good. Tired physically and emotionally but we'll get through.  We're both a little gun shy after finding out we lost one of the twins last week.  We received the decals for the nursery and we'll probably go look at paint samples this weekend.  I think we'll hold off buying any of the big ticket items until 16-20 weeks.  

My next sonogram is on 2/10.  We'll be at the end of the 16th week and might be able to determine if it's a boy or girl. 

My 95 year old grandma is back int he hospital. She fell last Wednesday morning. She didn't break any bones but she scraped herself up pretty badly.  Then she needed oxygen, which is a new requirement, so she couldn't go back to the low skilled care facility she was at.  Now it seems she's not eating well.  We'll see. I am really hoping she'll hang on long enough to get a 4 generation photo :) 

And then there was one

Where to begin?

We have the best of friends and the most supportive family and for that I am eternally grateful.  Why have we chosen to share our journey with the world? Because if it helps one other couple get through their journey to parenthood it's worth a little lack of privacy in my mind.  Also, I could not imagine suffering in silence when faced with so many setbacks and hurtles. We need your help and love and support.

Yesterday was a marathon day at Kaiser.  My brother's surgery went well and he's home recovering. I was there at 8 for the 3 hour gestational diabetes test.   Got my blood drawn 4 times but stuck 5 times! Yay for extra pokings and hiding veins.

The first hour I felt really sick to my stomach from the drink and lack of food, but my body fought it back and I felt ok by the 2nd and 3rd hour.  Test results are normal so yay for no gestational diabetes.

The afternoon was harder.  The sonogram revealed only one remaining baby.  There were remnants of a sack on the side and a tiny blip of some tissue but nothing else.  The doctor was very surprised since we had just heard two strong heartbeats only 4 weeks ago. He explained that it usually takes 5-6 weeks for the tissue to be reabsorbed into the body if development stops.  For there to be almost nothing in the sack is strange, but it does happen.

I was so glad my mom was with me in the room. I held it together while we were in there, trying to focus on the glowing shape of the remaining baby on the screen.  He/she was not being cooperative with the nurse trying to get a good measurement of it's spine, but he/she was sure having a great time waving at us and jumping around. :)  Finally after about 20 min of trying she was able to get a couple good measurements and we captured some great video.

Trying to focus on the positives:

1) The results for chromosomal disorders based on the scan indicate very low risk of Downs and other abnormalities.  The risks are so low they're the level of a 30 year old woman. Dr was very pleased with that.
2) The remaining baby is fully formed (all major limbs, etc) with a strong heartbeat and very active. Chances of miscarriage are extremely low.
3) I don't have gestational diabetes. Probably because there is now only one placenta messing with my body's hormones, but I'm still happy for not having GD.

The loss is tremendous though. I really feel in my heart that we lost our girl.  I don't know why, I just feel it.  The little uncooperative bean is probably a boy. haha.

Nate and I both are a bundle of confused complicated emotions right now. Still very grateful for what we have growing, but now even more terrified of losing it plus grieving over the loss of our child.

I know people say, "Things happen for a reason" but I believe those reasons are because of biology not some higher power's will.  There obviously was something wrong with our little one. It is better for it not to have suffered, but we will always remember what it was like to be expecting two.

Here's the little bean:

This one is a good profile of the face and arms:

This one you can see it's legs stretched up :) 

Video of the sonogram. Sorry for the low quality

12 Weeks 2 Days - Failed Gestational Diabetes Test :(

This week the babies are about the size of a plum. 2 - 2 1/2 inches each.

They have more than doubled in size in the last 3 weeks.

This week is a turning point. At 12 weeks, the big task of developing new bodily structures is almost done, as most of the baby's systems are fully formed.  Now comes the maintenance phase, where systems continue to mature for the next 28 weeks to get everything working.

Tomorrow will be a full day of doctors appointments for me and for my brother.

My older brother is having eye surgery first thing in the morning.  He's a type 1 diabetic and scar tissue has built up so he has to have it removed. Quite scary for him, but not unlike the surgery Nate had to have a decade ago or so because of a detached retina.  Parents are on their way here so they can get up at the butt crack of dawn to be at Kaiser with him when he goes in.

Just so happens I have to be at Kaiser by 8 am for the 3 hour gestational diabetes test.  Different building, but same location. The results from the 1 hour test came back with slightly elevated blood sugars so this is the 2nd test to confirm gestational diabetes.

Then in the afternoon I get to have the sonogram that measures the cranial pole and looks for developmental disorders. Since mom will be here anyway, she gets to come with me. :)

Looking forward to seeing the babies but NOT looking forward to being sick to my stomach after that 100g sugary drink!   I have no control over the temperature of the drink. I've been told by so many to put it in the refrigerator and drink it super cold. Yah, that's great for when you're not doing this through Kaiser. Kaiser hands you the drink and then pokes you every hour on the hour to see how you blood sugar is reacting.

Fun times.

I found this funny article and thought I'd share. http://www.scarymommy.com/about-expecting-twins/

Wheeee!!!

11 Weeks, 4 Days

Almost out of the 1st trimester!

This week the babies are 1& 3/4 - 2 inches long each.  About the size of a brussel sprout.  Too bad I can't cover them in hollandaise sauce! :)

Though not detectible on sonogram yet, testes or ovaries are developing this week.   By this week they have distinct human characteristics: hands and feet in front of the body, ears nearly in the final shape, open nasal passages, a tongue and palate in the mouth and visible nipples.  The head is currently equal in length to the rest of the body and hair follicles are forming.  The babies can stretch, do somersaults and forward rolls!  I haven't felt a thing yet, but that's not expected until week 25-26.

Next week is full of doctors appointments and tests.  On Tuesday I go in for the sonogram that measures the cranial pole and looks for developmental disorders.  On Friday Nate and I will both go to my regular OB for a routine checkup and sonogram.

The "morning" sickness seems to have lessened quite a bit. I'm grateful for that. My appetite has returned as well.  I'm still exhausted and have to take a quick power nap on days when I can work from home.

Still investigating lots of things but mostly daycares vs. nanny.  I joined GeminiCrickets.org. It's a local community for multiples.  Hopefully I can get a referral for a good nanny or other suggestions there.  I also joined the parents club at Apple and will be having lunch with another twin mommy tomorrow. She has a stroller I may want to buy.

That's all for now!