Baby is now the size of a large orange at about 4 inches.
I ate one of these with lunch today. It was yummy :) I bought a fetal doppler last week and have found the heartbeat several times. It's reassuring.
Here's the bad: I feel like much of this applies to me - http://www.babycenter.com/0_depression-during-pregnancy_9179.bc
January was a particularly stressful month, but if you look back at all we've been through over the last 2 years to get to this point, it's not surprising that I am probably depressed. Yes, this is supposed to be a happy time but, telling me to "think positive" and "be positive" doesn't help.
The article above indicates 1 in 10 women will suffer from depression during pregnancy and those who have had losses or gone through fertility treatments are more susceptible. I've never been on anxiety or anti-depression medication, but if I don't snap out of it soon I may have to consider my options.
Going through 4 rounds of fertility treatments, losing one of the twins, several deaths right in a row last month.. it's just too much. On top of that, I feel like I have no control over what's happening to my body. 12-13 years ago, I fought to lose almost 60lbs and seeing it slowly creep back on and not having the ability to work out crazy hard to fight it back is making me nuts. Yes, yes, I know it's baby and I'll lose it when I breast feed etc, but that doesn't help the emotions now. Being short and not stick thin to begin with makes me feel like a butterball turkey!
My afternoon meeting today was cancelled so I decided to go to Macy's to the Motherhood section and see if I could find another pair of jeans that fit. I have one. I tried on 6 pairs and nothing. Finally found a pair of black velour / velvet lounge pants and picked up a t-shirt. I got in my car and called Massage Envy and went and had a massage. Felt good, but lying on my left side for 30 min was not 100% comfortable. Came home and ordered two pairs of the jeans I know will fit online. Sigh.
I really want sushi and a drink.
5 comments:
Kerie, you are amazing.
What Fionna said! Plus, you're not whining, you have just made such an articulate statement about what you're going through right now... and you're totally right, if the depression doesn't lift soon you should definitely ask for pregnancy-appropriate meds... No need to suffer through if you don't have to! Hugs!
Hang in there! I can imagine it must be really nerve wracking to go through pregnancy after such a difficult road to conception. Kaiser has a lot of great cognitive behavioral resources and there are definitely meds that can help too. Your docs are probably on it, but just in case, are they monitoring your thyroid? I've heard that pregnancy can really mess with it, and that even being mildly hypothyroid during pregnancy could amplify both fatigue and depression. I've recently learned that this may be an issue for me, and potentially the cause of my ttc issues, so I've been reading lots about it!
Thanks Fionna & Jeanie :)
Beth - Good question. I know they were monitoring it during the IVF process because it was fluctuating a bit and getting high (sluggish). I don't know if they're monitoring it now with all the blood work I just had. I'll ask!
While you can't dine and wine . . . it's definitely okay to Whine on . . .
You need someplace to get it all out and know that those listening are supporting you 100%.
Meanwhile . . .I agree with Jeanie and Beth!
I also understand the short and wide of it . . .walked that path!
<3
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