Kaiser test came back with HCG less than .24, which is a negative. We have been considering options including calling it and letting Sebastian be an only child.
Since we moved out of CA, I have the opportunity to change my coverage to United Healthcare and get 1 more round of IVF paid for. Still, the chances of it working are around 20%.
I'm tired. I'm 41. I'm ready to move on from this part of my life. We've been struggling with infertility for the last 3+ years. We have a miracle perfect child. On the other hand, if I don't give it one last try will I always wonder? Part of me feels like I owe it to Sebastian to try to give him a sibling.
Other options include looking into adoption or fostering. If we want a baby the wait could be another 2-4 years. Fostering an older child could come with some serious challenges we need to be ready to face.
I don't want to go down the path of donor eggs or surrogacy. That much I know. There have also been some studies trying to determine if long term risks of IVF include increased chances of uterine, ovarian and breast cancers. So far nothing has been proven, but some doctors feel it can increase risks.
Nate is supportive but leaving the decision on whether or not to try again up to me since it is my body.
Maybe we should be done. Do a show. Travel again. Give Sebastian everything we can for a happy life.
Sigh. One thing I know for sure is I'm drinking tonight.
1 comment:
Oh, I feel your disappointment. I was rooting for you, all those eggs seemed so promising. But, there you are. So sorry, so disappointed with you.
But I also hear your doubts about trying again. I was 37 when I had my baby, it was a difficult birth, and by the time she was 2-3 I was feeling like I didn't want to put my body through it again. So then-husband and I talked through all the options, and our decision was to go forward with our daughter as an only child. I'm not saying that's the RIGHT option, I'm saying that's what we decided for us.
She's now 30. Every now and then she'd give me a hard time for not giving her a sibling. But oh well, we can't give our children everything they want. If we're lucky we might be able to give them what they need...
Sebastian will be a happy, fortunate, much-loved child; you are already terrific parents. You would be terrific parents for an adoptee or foster child, too, should you go that route. Talk to people who have done both options, see how it feels in your gut... Your answer will become clear.
Much love as you work your way through this decision. Forty-one isn't too old (Janet Jackson!!), but boy can I relate. But hey, if you decide no now, you can change your mind one year, two years, eight years from now... :-)
Enjoy your new home! Settle in! Enjoy your family! Explore Oregon together... Breathe that fresh, Northwest air... Give yourself time...
xoxoxo
Jeanie
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