Schrödinger's Uterus

8dp3dt and I still have Schrödinger's uterus. Sigh. Nate convinced me not to buy a test today while we are in Carmel. So tempted!!

I'm not feeling as positive that this worked. Not because of the test yesterday but because my symptoms have decreased. I felt great today. Hardly any cramps, no sore boobs, no headache or nausea. While I'm greatful to feel well, I am worried for the outcome. 

Sigh. Two more days until we test. I can make it. 

Whatever will be will be. 

River had fun today playing in the ocean and meeting lots of other dogs.

7dp3dt - Caved and POAS

7 days past 3 day transfer. I caved and peed on a stick. HA.  It was negative but that's ok. Its still way too early and they were internet cheapies I have had in the cupboard for months.  HCG shouldn't even be in my system until tomorrow and even then it may be too faint to be detected by these OTC tests.  I just couldn't resist!!

I'm going to try to resist doing it again until after we get the blood test results on Tuesday.

I'm feeling less crampy, but they're still there.  Hoping there's some baby making going on in there still.

We're heading off to Carmel this afternoon to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary.  I need the distraction!

6dp3dt

6th day past 3day transfer.  According to the chart today is when the embryo(s) will continue to imbed in my lining.  I had some pretty sharp pains yesterday afternoon and evening on my right side, but no spotting.  Who know if it what implantation or gas ha.  I'm hoping it was implantation.  I've not seen any spotting yet but that's not a required symptom for implantation.  Some women get it, some don't.

I am physically feeling better but still really tired. Maybe my body is getting used to the higher levels of progesterone.  

By Saturday, if the embryos have stuck, my body should start secreting the pregnancy hormone HCG.   I'm so incredibly tempted to do a urine pregnancy test but Nate has made me promise not to. HAHA. He's right, I know.   The results could be a false positive or a false negative and the blood test is the most accurate way to determine the results.  Its just that all this waiting is so hard!

We are leaving tomorrow afternoon for a weekend getaway in Carmel for our 4th wedding anniversary. We're taking River (our 5 month old puppy) with us. I'm excited to see if she'll run in the ocean. Hopefully the weekend away will distract me.  Too bad I can't drink. :)

I've been enjoying sparkling lemonades and fruit juices with sparkling water in them. Put it in a cocktail glass and its almost like having a drink!

4dp3dt and another fun link

4 Days Past 3 Day Transfer.    I won't post something new every day but one of the other ladies on the IVF online group shared this link to calculate several stages along the way.  Here's hoping we make it to January or February with twins or a singleton! :)  They calculate the "weeks pregnant" based on when you would have started your last period. With FET it strange to think I just had them put in 4 days ago and I'm 3 weeks pregnant... ha.

We test one week from today!

 http://www.ivf.ca/fet3dayduedate.php

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3dp3dt

3 days past, 3 day transfer.   So far feeling nausea, exhaustion, slight headaches and slight cramping.  The nausea, tiredness and headaches are probably from all the progesterone I'm shoving into my system.   The cramping is too early to be implantation cramping. Most likely its from the fluid and instruments used in the transfer process.

I wish we had thought to video tape the monitor during the implantation. It was magical.  We could see three little dots of light travel into my uterus and land safely on the soft bed of lining.  I hope they're dividing and snuggling in tight for a 9 month ride.  Well, ok maybe not all 3 of them but at least 1-2 :)

I found this on http://www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer

It helps to know what's happening each day.  Today is day three so come on babies hatch! We did do the assisted hatching, where the embryologist creates a small hole in the layer of proteins that contain the embryo in its initial stages. Hatching is required for implantation and by "assisting" it, it increases the chances of successful implantation.

I'm hoping to feel some implantation cramps and possibly see some spotting tomorrow or Wednesday. That would be a good sign. :)

3-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
Two	The cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
Three	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Four	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Five	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Six	Implantation continues
Seven	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Eight	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Nine	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Ten	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eleven	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

Officially PUPO!

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!

The fourth embryo did not continue to divide. We put all three in and my lining was 6.4 which was the best it's ever been! I'm hopeful!

They are 3day embryos. One 7 cell grade 1, one 5cell grade 2, and one 4 cell grade 2.

Test on 6/3.

Going to pick up the babies (in my uterus)

Think they'll like my shirt? 

All 4 Embryos Survived the Thaw!

YAY! Finally some good news!  They were frozen at day 1, so they are letting them rest and mature today then tomorrow when I go in for the transfer, they'll check to see which ones are the best quality.  I know the dr is going to want to put them all in, given my lining issues. But ack! What if they all stick? What if 3 of them stick? I can't do a selective reduction. I know it can be done, and I have no judgement for people who do, but I cannot do that.    All four of them are my babies.  And.. I just made myself cry.

Wish I could drink! Someone's not going to sleep tonight!

Embryos Coming Out Today

The 4 frozen fertilized day 1 embryos are coming out today. We should hear back this afternoon how many survived and how they are progressing.

Dr. instructed us to do two, 1ml progesterone intramuscular injections today to catch up. Nate is coming home at lunch to administer it since I can't do this one alone.

Here we go...

And messed up again..

Nate accidentally have me estrogen again last night instead of Projesrerone. No wonder I've been a raging lunatic all day and have felt like my face and chest were on fire.

We did 1/2ml of the Projesterone in Oil (PIO) tonight which was supposed to be last night's  dosage. Tonight was supposed to be 1ml but I didn't want to shock my system. I emailed the dr to inquire what else we can do. Nothing we seem to do much matters anyway. 

5.5mm. Moving Forward

We're back where we were when we canceled both times before.  But, at least this time we know there is nothing more we could have done to make it better.   In the end, all of the extra estrogen and viagra did nothing to help my body grow a thicker lining. it reduces our overall chances of the embryos embedding but we're going to go head with the transfer on Friday 5/23 because there is nothing else left to try.

I'm hopeful it will still work.

Daily pill regimen

New thing to shove where the sun don't shine

Still doing the Viagra rockets too! 

Happy birthday intramuscular injection to me!

My sister in law just stabbed me in the butt with a 2 inch needle! IM estradiol injection plus all the extra I'm taking orally I'm surprised I'm still standing. Yay! Haha 

It actually didn't hurt much. It's the welt and soreness after that is annoying. 

Full Steam Ahead - Lining be Damned

Holy mother of batman that needle was huge.  The intramuscular injection of yet another formulation of estrogen was scary.  I looked at that needle and about passed out.  Thankfully, the nurse was very skilled and all I felt was a small prick.  I was still bracing for a stabbing pain when she said, "Are you ok? We're done."  So far I feel ok. A bit more tired but no nausea yet. High amounts of estrogen can do that.

We pick up another one of the same shots today, so it can be administered on Sunday. Thankfully my sister in law is in nursing school so she gets to stab me in the other butt cheek for practice. Yay?

So, regardless of the state of my uterine lining we are moving forward with transfer on Friday 5/23.  We've done everything we could possibly do to give them their best chance of survival.  I hope we can get back to at least where we were in the last cycle at 5.5mm.  I go back on Monday for the last round of blood work and another "date" with the ultrasound wand.

This weekend is a family reunion in the central valley.  Hopefully I won't feel too crappy and can enjoy the fun and maybe a glass of wine or two. We'll see.

Thanks for all the support and encouragement.

Stuck at 4.5mm

Sometimes despite everything you do, you have to accept what is.  My lining is no longer responding to the drugs. We're stuck at 4.5mm which is a full mm less than where we were last time when we decided to cancel.

I'm so frustrated and tired. I've been working out, eatin well, drinking less alcohol, taking a million supliments, going to acupuncture.... Nothing helps my stubborn body.

 I'm back at the hospital waiting for an intramuscular injection of another estrogen formula plus he doubled the estrogen and Viagra I'm already taking and we'll check in again on Monday to determine if we are pushing back the transfer or going ahead next week  

We have a big family reunion this weekend so yay for feeling like crap during all the fun. 😞

Finally Good News!

The cold rockets are working!  The viagra suppositories are slightly rocket shaped and have to be kept in the refrigerator so I've been joking that I have to shove cold rockets up my hooha.  Fun times! But hey, whatever works!!!

My lining is still slightly thin but is growing faster than it ever has before.  Its at 4.7-4.9 now depending on where he measured. That's almost as good as its ever been!  I'm finally hopeful that something may be going right and this might actually work for us.  One step at a time. I go back next Thursday for another ultrasound and hopefully aim to transfer a few frozen babiesicles on 5/22.

Today Began With Such Promise

I was excited to go to work today because I finally got to move into an office! I've been stuck out in a bull pen open space area for over a year.  I move all my stuff including a gigantic monitor (which I love) and get everything set up only to receive an email an hour later NOT to move into the office because they are reconfiguring the space for 2 desks instead of 1, tomorrow instead of in a few months like we were originally told.

So I stuff everything into the rolling file drawer and move it and then the monitor, the footrest etc etc all back to my old space and go home.

Then, a well meaning friend posts on Facebook that he and his wife are expecting.  He tags me in the post because he wants my help with his resume because he's also just lost his job. Sigh. I'm happy and sad for them.  Frustrated and sad for myself and exhausted because I couldn't get to sleep last night until 3 am.   Why does everything have to be so hard?

First day of Estrogen, viagra and all the supplements again

Had a bout with a stomach virus last week that made it impossible for me to take all the supplements.  I continued with the shots but the taking all those pills on a stomach that was rejecting food was not going to happen.

Feeling much better and just in time to start the mega doses of estrogen, viagra vaginal suppositories and resume the supplements.  Its quite a shock to my system to go from zero estrogen to 12mg per day. I am already not feeling great. Headaches from the Lupron shots are a daily affair and now the nausea that accompanies rapid increases in estrogen. Good thing its Saturday and we don't really have firm plans to be anywhere.

Trying to stay positive and hopeful that this cycle will be different and my lining will grow.  Having River to focus my energy on has helped so much but its hard not to be dreading the scan next week when I am fairly certain the news will be less than glorious.

My TSH levels have dropped so that's good. Meaning the thyroid issue the dr thought could be part of the problem seems to have resolved itself for now.  Hopefully we'll keep testing that to be sure.

Thats all for now.