Hysteroscopy Done

Just got home from the hospital. I was awake for the hysteroscopy and even watched on the monitor. The dr found some scar tissue and removed it. He thinks it might be from an infection of some kind I had in the past and didn't know it. He is hopeful that removing it will allow the uterine lining to respond better and grow for implantation. 

Now I'm on the couch finally eating something for the first time today. A nap might be in order as well. 

Misoprostol

Home from visiting Trace & John and my family. Nate is still sick with a nasty cold chest thing so we drove home this morning instead of this afternoon.

I inserted (vaginally) the first of two doses of Misoprostol today at 12:30. I have to do another one at 9:30 pm.  Its about an hour from when I put it in and I'm already feeling crampy and a bit dizzy.  So, now I'm on the couch sipping tea with the heating pad on my belly.  Hope it doesn't get too much worse. 

She Arrived! Here We Go!

My cycle started today so that's good.  But, I'm still nervous about the Misoprostol. I have to trust that the dr knows what he's doing and I should stop reading about case studies online. HA.

Nate came home from work yesterday with a fever and a nasty cold.  He took Nyquil and went to bed around 8 and felt much better this morning. Hoping I don't get it so I can head to Modesto & Turlock this weekend.

One day at a time..

Waiting for Aunt Flow...

If the witch doesn't show up by Saturday we'll be postponed until March for implantation.  

Also Dr. wants me to take Misoprostol to soften the cervix before the Hysteroscopy.  I looked the drug up and its used to induce abortion or complete a miscarriage but can also be used to soften the cervix prior to a procedure that requires entering the uterus through the cervix.  

It makes me nervous, cuz everything makes me nervous, because the side effects can be pretty not fun. Severe cramping that you'd expect with a miscarriage.

To top it all off Nate is running a fever. I was planning to head to Modesto and see Tracy and Mom  & Dad but if I'm running a fever I'm staying home.  Sigh.

Good think I've taught myself to knit!

Hysteroscopy

Just got a call from the nurse and we think Monday 12 /30 will be the day for the Hysteroscopy.  Fingers crossed that my cycle starts before then otherwise we'll be bumped until after Dr. Harris' vacation and bumped from the February cycle. Come on period gods! haha.

I had a massage last night and it felt SO good. I'm feeling better every day and hope to hop on my treadmill for a fast walk later today.

Hugs to all!
Kerie

February it is!

Providing the lining cooperates. The nurse just confirmed dr Harris can do the scoping proceedure while I'm on the Lupron which is to help the lining grow. So a bit of good news that we don't have to wait until March! But, we still have to get past the lining hurdle. Thinking positive! 

Happy Thursday! 

STILL Having Crazy Dreams!

I've been off hormones for a week now and STILL have crazy dreams! Last night I dreamed that the hospital had given me my frozen embryos to care for (????) and 4 days later I could see that they were dividing so I asked a friend to use a turkey baster and put them up inside me! What the heck????  

And then I had a crazy performers nightmare where I'm on stage, in a big musical show performing but have NO clue what show it is or what any of my lines or lyrics are. 

I've always had vivid dreams but this is nuts!

Feeling Better Today

I rested all evening last night and slept really well. I feel better today. Less sore, but I'm going to take it easy so I don't over do it.

I almost kitted a cool hat last night but it was my first attempt at using double pointed needles. They kept sliding out and I dropped several stitches which unraveled down. I was so frustrated that I just ripped the whole thing out and rewound the yarn.  I ordered some stoppers on Amazon :) to keep that from happening again. In the mean time I'll work on other things.

Its so hard having to say no to auditions and Directors wanting you to be in their show.  I have to keep myself calm, not stressed and focus on what is priority for now.  There will be time for shows later.

Yesterday I was reminded by a couple of wonderful friends, just how important maintaining friendships is.  There are people who come and go in our lives but if we want to stay close we have to put some effort into it. And its so worth it.  I'm so thankful for such good friends. I'm not good at being a friend though. I need to work on that.

Maybe next week after the swelling goes down I can actually start exercising again lightly! Looking forward to that.

Things That Have Gone Right

Per my friend Lisa's suggestion.  Maybe this will help me stay positive.

1) I didn't get OHSS!
2) I didn't ovulate early
3) I woke up from anesthesia and considering what was done to me, had relatively manageable pain
4) I only gained 4 lbs and I hope that will go away once the swelling goes down
5) We're not completely broke... yet
6) We have 4 little Mosslings waiting for us! Hang on babies we're getting things set up for ya :)
7) I have an amazing support group of family, friends and online IVF buddies
8) I can enjoy some wine in the mean time!
9) I get to go to Disneyland in January to support my sister in law who is running the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon and not have morning sickness!
10) I get to go to our friend's wedding in February and not worry that I'll be pregnant yet
11) I have a great job and amazing boss who is flexible with me working from home when needed

More Waiting

Found out the Hysteroscopy will not be done under general anesthesia but I will be sedated and "comfortable" according to the dr.   The challenge is timing.  We have to wait until my cycle starts naturally before he can do it. So that will take probably 2 weeks from now.  Then, he has to go in and do the procedure and maybe remove whatever polyp or tissue is blocking the growth.

The challenge with timing is that Dr. Harris will be on vacation from January 3 -30th and I need to have the procedure done before he goes.   We'll see if the timing works out. If not, I may be bumped to March for FET since I need a good 6-8 weeks of being on birth control and medication to increase my lining before they can transfer.   :(  So frustrating.   I have to keep telling myself its best to give the embryos the best chance by waiting but its so hard.

I started spotting today but the nurse thinks is just dried blood shedding from the procedure on Friday.  They did stick me with a 12 inch needle so something is bound to bleed.

Coming down off the hormones plus the disappointment of having to wait is so hard.

Recovering and dealing with hormones

I'm feeling better each day but there is still some cramping and a lot of tiredness and crazy roller coaster of hormones.

I looked up what is involved in a Hysteroscopy and posted a question in the IVF forum on Facebook to ask if it required general anesthesia.  The answer is probably yes. That made me immediately start to cry.  I HATE going under. It scares me to death that I'll not wake up and I have no control over what is happening to me while I'm down.  Plus it sounds like the recovery time, depending on how much they have to snip and inject me with saline or gas to see the possibly damaged areas of my uterus, could be longer and more painful.  I thought I had gotten through the most painful part with the stims and egg retrieval!  Of course excepting labor and recovery.

Plus there is the cost factor.  I emailed the doctor to ask if this procedure is covered in the "package" deal for IVF but I seriously doubt it.  AND I doubt our regular Kaiser coverage for fertility (50%) will pay for this but who knows.  So there's more money banking on our 4 little frozen embryos and my body's ability to carry them.

Its so emotional to think we have 4 little babies in the freezer and I know I have to keep moving forward because I can't let them sit there unused.

Sigh. More couch and knitting time for me today. I'm a basket case :)

4 out of 6 fertilized!

Yay! Just got a call from embryologist and 4 out of the 6 fertilized. They will freeze them and we'll try and transfer in Februaury. Need to se when they can fit me in for the hysteroscopy.

Retrieval day

Off to the hospital for retrieval. I'm still a bit nervous but I slept better than I thought I would.

Here's hoping they get a lot of good ones!

UPDATE -

Just got back from retrieval. They only got 6 eggs. The doctor was hoping for much more. I had 11-12 good ones growing. He said the HCG levels were low in my body which caused the follicles to not want to release. I'm pretty disappointed but we'll see how many fertilize by tomorrow. Then, we'll freeze all of them and work on getting my uterine lining beefed up. 

I'm fairly sore but not too bad.

UPDATE 2 

Dr called to say 5 of the 6 are fully mature and should fertilize, the 6th one is not far off and should hopefully also fertilize. Fingers crossed so we have a backup plan if the first FET doesn't work 

Day 14

Taking it easy today.  I went in to work in the morning but came home around noon, straightened up a bit but got pretty tired quickly so now I'm resting.  I'm nervous about tomorrow and don't like the idea that I can't eat or drink anything after midnight.  Glad I'm the first one in the morning though. Lets get this over with.

Day 13 final Ultrasound and Trigger Day

Lining is still too thin but the follicles are ready to come out. Surgery for retrieval is  Friday. Waiting to hear what time exactly.

I'll continue with the estrogen supliments in hopes that a miracle will happen and the lining will beef up by Friday. But if not, and most likely not, we'll fertilize them on Friday and freeze all the ones that fertilize by Saturday.  

Frozen embryos at day 1 have a 90% survival thaw rate. If we wait and let them develop to day 5 then freeze them there is a 95% survival thaw rate, but we don't know how many will not fertilize.   Doctor recommends day 1 freeze for best chance of as many getting to day 5 as possible as that's where they need to be for implantation. 

In the mean time he wants to do a Hysteroscopy where he can see what's going on inside my uterus that's causing the lining to be so thin. Could be scar tissue that he can fix quickly then pump me full of estrogen again. 

I'm disappointed but understand we want the best possible chance for success. 

He's sure we can fit me in for a FET cycle in February. 

Trying to stay positive.

UPDATE - 8 am Friday retrieval scheduled. A bit nervous to be put under but I should be fine.

UPDATE 2 - Trigger shot administered at 9 pm.  The shot itself was no biggie but finding a spot on my belly where there wasn't  a bruise was interesting :)   Time for bed.

Day 12 update. Uterine Lining Too Thin :(

The dr is not ready to pull the trigger just yet. The follicles look good but the uterine lining is still too thin for optimal implantation.  He is going to wait for the results of the blood work from today's draw to decide if we push out one more day or go ahead and trigger.  If we trigger and the lining is still too thin we'll have to freeze the embryos and do a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in a month or two.  I really don't want to have to do that. I'm ready to get this show on the road! We should know by 3-4 this afternoon.

In the mean time he has started me on estrogen supplements in the hopes that it will help beef up the lining by tomorrow.

Its hard to concentrate at work. All I want to do is sleep and knit. ha.

Trying to stay positive!  A friend at work brought me flowers for all the help I've given her since starting here at Apple.  Very grateful for some cheer.

Hugs to all.

UDATE - Egg Collection pushed to Friday.  The doctor wants at least 7mm lining before he'll transfer and mine is 5 something.   :(

I need to go to Fremont tomorrow to have more blood work and another ultrasound. That will determine if we do a fresh transfer or freeze them and try to get my lining back up in a month or two. I think Dr. Harris is taking January off, so it will be February at the earliest and probably that is already full. I don't want to wait. :(

Stim day 11 and They're Still There! and GROWING!

So happy that my worries were unfounded.  They're still in there and growing! The left ovary has gone to town and has 8 good sized ones growing.  The right has about 5 decent sized ones.

I need to call in one more refill for the Follistim for tomorrow morning but we have everything else.  I'm nervous for the egg collection on Thursday but I can do it.

Feeling a bit more uncomfortable today.  Almost there!

Stim day 10

Those Ganirelix shots are icky!  The barrel of the needle is bigger so poor Nate has to push hard to get it to go in and then pulling it out pulls my skin with it.  Sigh. Hopefully only 1-2 more times then we can trigger (another shot) and be done with this phase.

I'm feeling twinges again in my ovaries and I'm still a bit swollen but not as much as before so maybe I haven't ovulated.  Who knows.  We'll find out for sure tomorrow.

I bought one pair of maternity pants at Target. Ha.  Now I have 3 pairs of pants that are comfortable for work, etc.

Have a wedding to attend this afternoon.  Looking forward to it but hope I have energy not to fall asleep during the ceremony!

Stim day 9 - and possible scare

Had / have a bit of a scare since yesterday.   After the ultrasound yesterday, the dr instructed me to start the Ganirelix today (5/7). However, later in the day yesterday I had an egg-whitish discharge and suddenly felt like all the swelling had gone down.  Typical signs of ovulation.  Ganirelix is a drug to keep me from ovulating and hold on the follicles as they increase in size. Of course its the weekend and its not really an emergency because if it did happen they can't really do anything about it.

I posted a question in the IVF group on Facebook and several other woman have had this happen and they did NOT ovulate. They said the discharge could be because of my rising estrogen levels.  My estrogen level did skyrocket in the last few days so maybe that's it, but it doesn't account for the complete lack of discomfort.

I'm going to be so angry if we've spend 4K on drugs and all this pain and I've ovulated early. For now, we're continuing with the prescribed drugs including the Ganirelix and I'll see what Monday's scan reveals.

Such an emotional roller coaster.

The Dr. increased my Follistim again to 400
Ganirelix in AM
150 Menopur in the PM

Getting stabbed 3-4 times a day is so fun! :)

Stim Day 8 and Ultrasound checkup

Just back from my ultrasound appointment. There are about 7 follicles that look like they will be large enough to retrieve next week.  My right ovary is still not happy but its more of a pulling sensation than stabbing.  The Dr. didnt seem to be too worried about it. He said if its a stabbing doubling over vomiting pain to go to the ER as that could be my ovary twisting.

There are still more follicles and bigger ones on the left side but that side doesn't hurt. Who knows.

7 is a good number. Dr. said he's happy with anything over 5 because that gives us a good chance of success.

We're increasing the Follistim to 400 to help the follicles grow larger and hopefully a few more will catch up.   Possible retrieval has been bumped to Thursday or Friday of next week.

Here's a pic of Nate preparing the injection last night. Wee fun!

Stim Day 7

Feeling ok.  Mornings are the best and by the time I get to work I have a headache and uncomfortableness again.  My right ovary is screaming at me more than the left and I have a bit of dizziness but so far no issues breathing.

Check up tomorrow morning so we'll know more about my hormone levels and follicle sizes then.

Stim day 6

So tired. I'm usually ok in the morning then get increasingly tired and uncomfortable throughout the day.  The doctor upped the dosage of Follistim from 250 to 325 and I'm extremely tired today.  Maybe my body is getting used to the increased dosage.  I feel like I might be running a slight fever today too.  I'll go home at lunch and take my temperature.  Maybe I'm just dressed to warmly.

Update- no fever. I'm just tired ... Have a couple more calls this afternoon them I'm going to come home again and nap.

Feeling significant twinges and more than slight pain in my right ovary area.  Not unbearable but pretty uncomfortable. Sigh.  It will all be worth it! 

Stim day 5 and Ultrasound

Again, I'm feeling so much better in the mornings.  Even after the 7 am Follistim shot.  Last night wasn't too bad either.  

I went for my blood work and ultrasound this morning.  The blood work results will be back later this afternoon.  The ultrasound showed things are progressing well.  I have 5 follicles developing in the right ovary and 6 on the left. They're small but its still early and the Dr. seems pleased.  He decided to up my dose of Follistim from 250 to 325 and schedule me to come back in on Friday.

The nurse thinks I was feeling crummy from the shock of all the hormones to my body going off the birth control pills and on to the stimulation injections.  The swelling will continue to get worse since the drugs have a cumulative effect but as of now its completely manageable.  I have to eat smaller portions more often though or I feel sick.

But yay for 11 little potentials growing! Come on babies! Not all of you just 1 or maybe at most 2! :)

Stim day 4 and back to work

Felt pretty good this morning but seems to go downhill from there. I had to eat my breakfast slowly and take small sips of water. Thankfully my job is at a desk but I may stand up from time to time and use the stand up desk to let things stretch ha. I'm feeling really bloated.

Can't wait until tomorrow's tests to see how things are progressing. Hopefully I won't have to be on this drugs for much longer 

Stim day 3

Woke up to get poked at 6:45 and felt so much better. Seems just about the time the drugs get out of my system it's time to put more in.

Weighed myself again and I've lost 3.5lbs? How is that possible? Maybe the no alcohol? I'll keep an eye in it. 

Hoping to get out of the house and go see the second hunger games movie today

8:28 pm update

Feeling more pressure and bloated than before. Seems to be worse in the evenings after the Menopur. I may have eaten too much at once or drank too much liquid at once.  So far no trouble breathing so that's good. How do women do this for 10-15 days?  Can't wait for my dr appointment on Tuesday so we can tell how much more I have to do.