Hysteroscopy Done

Just got home from the hospital. I was awake for the hysteroscopy and even watched on the monitor. The dr found some scar tissue and removed it. He thinks it might be from an infection of some kind I had in the past and didn't know it. He is hopeful that removing it will allow the uterine lining to respond better and grow for implantation. 

Now I'm on the couch finally eating something for the first time today. A nap might be in order as well. 

Misoprostol

Home from visiting Trace & John and my family. Nate is still sick with a nasty cold chest thing so we drove home this morning instead of this afternoon.

I inserted (vaginally) the first of two doses of Misoprostol today at 12:30. I have to do another one at 9:30 pm.  Its about an hour from when I put it in and I'm already feeling crampy and a bit dizzy.  So, now I'm on the couch sipping tea with the heating pad on my belly.  Hope it doesn't get too much worse. 

She Arrived! Here We Go!

My cycle started today so that's good.  But, I'm still nervous about the Misoprostol. I have to trust that the dr knows what he's doing and I should stop reading about case studies online. HA.

Nate came home from work yesterday with a fever and a nasty cold.  He took Nyquil and went to bed around 8 and felt much better this morning. Hoping I don't get it so I can head to Modesto & Turlock this weekend.

One day at a time..

Waiting for Aunt Flow...

If the witch doesn't show up by Saturday we'll be postponed until March for implantation.  

Also Dr. wants me to take Misoprostol to soften the cervix before the Hysteroscopy.  I looked the drug up and its used to induce abortion or complete a miscarriage but can also be used to soften the cervix prior to a procedure that requires entering the uterus through the cervix.  

It makes me nervous, cuz everything makes me nervous, because the side effects can be pretty not fun. Severe cramping that you'd expect with a miscarriage.

To top it all off Nate is running a fever. I was planning to head to Modesto and see Tracy and Mom  & Dad but if I'm running a fever I'm staying home.  Sigh.

Good think I've taught myself to knit!

Hysteroscopy

Just got a call from the nurse and we think Monday 12 /30 will be the day for the Hysteroscopy.  Fingers crossed that my cycle starts before then otherwise we'll be bumped until after Dr. Harris' vacation and bumped from the February cycle. Come on period gods! haha.

I had a massage last night and it felt SO good. I'm feeling better every day and hope to hop on my treadmill for a fast walk later today.

Hugs to all!
Kerie

February it is!

Providing the lining cooperates. The nurse just confirmed dr Harris can do the scoping proceedure while I'm on the Lupron which is to help the lining grow. So a bit of good news that we don't have to wait until March! But, we still have to get past the lining hurdle. Thinking positive! 

Happy Thursday! 

STILL Having Crazy Dreams!

I've been off hormones for a week now and STILL have crazy dreams! Last night I dreamed that the hospital had given me my frozen embryos to care for (????) and 4 days later I could see that they were dividing so I asked a friend to use a turkey baster and put them up inside me! What the heck????  

And then I had a crazy performers nightmare where I'm on stage, in a big musical show performing but have NO clue what show it is or what any of my lines or lyrics are. 

I've always had vivid dreams but this is nuts!

Feeling Better Today

I rested all evening last night and slept really well. I feel better today. Less sore, but I'm going to take it easy so I don't over do it.

I almost kitted a cool hat last night but it was my first attempt at using double pointed needles. They kept sliding out and I dropped several stitches which unraveled down. I was so frustrated that I just ripped the whole thing out and rewound the yarn.  I ordered some stoppers on Amazon :) to keep that from happening again. In the mean time I'll work on other things.

Its so hard having to say no to auditions and Directors wanting you to be in their show.  I have to keep myself calm, not stressed and focus on what is priority for now.  There will be time for shows later.

Yesterday I was reminded by a couple of wonderful friends, just how important maintaining friendships is.  There are people who come and go in our lives but if we want to stay close we have to put some effort into it. And its so worth it.  I'm so thankful for such good friends. I'm not good at being a friend though. I need to work on that.

Maybe next week after the swelling goes down I can actually start exercising again lightly! Looking forward to that.

Things That Have Gone Right

Per my friend Lisa's suggestion.  Maybe this will help me stay positive.

1) I didn't get OHSS!
2) I didn't ovulate early
3) I woke up from anesthesia and considering what was done to me, had relatively manageable pain
4) I only gained 4 lbs and I hope that will go away once the swelling goes down
5) We're not completely broke... yet
6) We have 4 little Mosslings waiting for us! Hang on babies we're getting things set up for ya :)
7) I have an amazing support group of family, friends and online IVF buddies
8) I can enjoy some wine in the mean time!
9) I get to go to Disneyland in January to support my sister in law who is running the Tinkerbell 1/2 marathon and not have morning sickness!
10) I get to go to our friend's wedding in February and not worry that I'll be pregnant yet
11) I have a great job and amazing boss who is flexible with me working from home when needed

More Waiting

Found out the Hysteroscopy will not be done under general anesthesia but I will be sedated and "comfortable" according to the dr.   The challenge is timing.  We have to wait until my cycle starts naturally before he can do it. So that will take probably 2 weeks from now.  Then, he has to go in and do the procedure and maybe remove whatever polyp or tissue is blocking the growth.

The challenge with timing is that Dr. Harris will be on vacation from January 3 -30th and I need to have the procedure done before he goes.   We'll see if the timing works out. If not, I may be bumped to March for FET since I need a good 6-8 weeks of being on birth control and medication to increase my lining before they can transfer.   :(  So frustrating.   I have to keep telling myself its best to give the embryos the best chance by waiting but its so hard.

I started spotting today but the nurse thinks is just dried blood shedding from the procedure on Friday.  They did stick me with a 12 inch needle so something is bound to bleed.

Coming down off the hormones plus the disappointment of having to wait is so hard.

Recovering and dealing with hormones

I'm feeling better each day but there is still some cramping and a lot of tiredness and crazy roller coaster of hormones.

I looked up what is involved in a Hysteroscopy and posted a question in the IVF forum on Facebook to ask if it required general anesthesia.  The answer is probably yes. That made me immediately start to cry.  I HATE going under. It scares me to death that I'll not wake up and I have no control over what is happening to me while I'm down.  Plus it sounds like the recovery time, depending on how much they have to snip and inject me with saline or gas to see the possibly damaged areas of my uterus, could be longer and more painful.  I thought I had gotten through the most painful part with the stims and egg retrieval!  Of course excepting labor and recovery.

Plus there is the cost factor.  I emailed the doctor to ask if this procedure is covered in the "package" deal for IVF but I seriously doubt it.  AND I doubt our regular Kaiser coverage for fertility (50%) will pay for this but who knows.  So there's more money banking on our 4 little frozen embryos and my body's ability to carry them.

Its so emotional to think we have 4 little babies in the freezer and I know I have to keep moving forward because I can't let them sit there unused.

Sigh. More couch and knitting time for me today. I'm a basket case :)

4 out of 6 fertilized!

Yay! Just got a call from embryologist and 4 out of the 6 fertilized. They will freeze them and we'll try and transfer in Februaury. Need to se when they can fit me in for the hysteroscopy.

Retrieval day

Off to the hospital for retrieval. I'm still a bit nervous but I slept better than I thought I would.

Here's hoping they get a lot of good ones!

UPDATE -

Just got back from retrieval. They only got 6 eggs. The doctor was hoping for much more. I had 11-12 good ones growing. He said the HCG levels were low in my body which caused the follicles to not want to release. I'm pretty disappointed but we'll see how many fertilize by tomorrow. Then, we'll freeze all of them and work on getting my uterine lining beefed up. 

I'm fairly sore but not too bad.

UPDATE 2 

Dr called to say 5 of the 6 are fully mature and should fertilize, the 6th one is not far off and should hopefully also fertilize. Fingers crossed so we have a backup plan if the first FET doesn't work 

Day 14

Taking it easy today.  I went in to work in the morning but came home around noon, straightened up a bit but got pretty tired quickly so now I'm resting.  I'm nervous about tomorrow and don't like the idea that I can't eat or drink anything after midnight.  Glad I'm the first one in the morning though. Lets get this over with.

Day 13 final Ultrasound and Trigger Day

Lining is still too thin but the follicles are ready to come out. Surgery for retrieval is  Friday. Waiting to hear what time exactly.

I'll continue with the estrogen supliments in hopes that a miracle will happen and the lining will beef up by Friday. But if not, and most likely not, we'll fertilize them on Friday and freeze all the ones that fertilize by Saturday.  

Frozen embryos at day 1 have a 90% survival thaw rate. If we wait and let them develop to day 5 then freeze them there is a 95% survival thaw rate, but we don't know how many will not fertilize.   Doctor recommends day 1 freeze for best chance of as many getting to day 5 as possible as that's where they need to be for implantation. 

In the mean time he wants to do a Hysteroscopy where he can see what's going on inside my uterus that's causing the lining to be so thin. Could be scar tissue that he can fix quickly then pump me full of estrogen again. 

I'm disappointed but understand we want the best possible chance for success. 

He's sure we can fit me in for a FET cycle in February. 

Trying to stay positive.

UPDATE - 8 am Friday retrieval scheduled. A bit nervous to be put under but I should be fine.

UPDATE 2 - Trigger shot administered at 9 pm.  The shot itself was no biggie but finding a spot on my belly where there wasn't  a bruise was interesting :)   Time for bed.

Day 12 update. Uterine Lining Too Thin :(

The dr is not ready to pull the trigger just yet. The follicles look good but the uterine lining is still too thin for optimal implantation.  He is going to wait for the results of the blood work from today's draw to decide if we push out one more day or go ahead and trigger.  If we trigger and the lining is still too thin we'll have to freeze the embryos and do a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in a month or two.  I really don't want to have to do that. I'm ready to get this show on the road! We should know by 3-4 this afternoon.

In the mean time he has started me on estrogen supplements in the hopes that it will help beef up the lining by tomorrow.

Its hard to concentrate at work. All I want to do is sleep and knit. ha.

Trying to stay positive!  A friend at work brought me flowers for all the help I've given her since starting here at Apple.  Very grateful for some cheer.

Hugs to all.

UDATE - Egg Collection pushed to Friday.  The doctor wants at least 7mm lining before he'll transfer and mine is 5 something.   :(

I need to go to Fremont tomorrow to have more blood work and another ultrasound. That will determine if we do a fresh transfer or freeze them and try to get my lining back up in a month or two. I think Dr. Harris is taking January off, so it will be February at the earliest and probably that is already full. I don't want to wait. :(

Stim day 11 and They're Still There! and GROWING!

So happy that my worries were unfounded.  They're still in there and growing! The left ovary has gone to town and has 8 good sized ones growing.  The right has about 5 decent sized ones.

I need to call in one more refill for the Follistim for tomorrow morning but we have everything else.  I'm nervous for the egg collection on Thursday but I can do it.

Feeling a bit more uncomfortable today.  Almost there!

Stim day 10

Those Ganirelix shots are icky!  The barrel of the needle is bigger so poor Nate has to push hard to get it to go in and then pulling it out pulls my skin with it.  Sigh. Hopefully only 1-2 more times then we can trigger (another shot) and be done with this phase.

I'm feeling twinges again in my ovaries and I'm still a bit swollen but not as much as before so maybe I haven't ovulated.  Who knows.  We'll find out for sure tomorrow.

I bought one pair of maternity pants at Target. Ha.  Now I have 3 pairs of pants that are comfortable for work, etc.

Have a wedding to attend this afternoon.  Looking forward to it but hope I have energy not to fall asleep during the ceremony!

Stim day 9 - and possible scare

Had / have a bit of a scare since yesterday.   After the ultrasound yesterday, the dr instructed me to start the Ganirelix today (5/7). However, later in the day yesterday I had an egg-whitish discharge and suddenly felt like all the swelling had gone down.  Typical signs of ovulation.  Ganirelix is a drug to keep me from ovulating and hold on the follicles as they increase in size. Of course its the weekend and its not really an emergency because if it did happen they can't really do anything about it.

I posted a question in the IVF group on Facebook and several other woman have had this happen and they did NOT ovulate. They said the discharge could be because of my rising estrogen levels.  My estrogen level did skyrocket in the last few days so maybe that's it, but it doesn't account for the complete lack of discomfort.

I'm going to be so angry if we've spend 4K on drugs and all this pain and I've ovulated early. For now, we're continuing with the prescribed drugs including the Ganirelix and I'll see what Monday's scan reveals.

Such an emotional roller coaster.

The Dr. increased my Follistim again to 400
Ganirelix in AM
150 Menopur in the PM

Getting stabbed 3-4 times a day is so fun! :)

Stim Day 8 and Ultrasound checkup

Just back from my ultrasound appointment. There are about 7 follicles that look like they will be large enough to retrieve next week.  My right ovary is still not happy but its more of a pulling sensation than stabbing.  The Dr. didnt seem to be too worried about it. He said if its a stabbing doubling over vomiting pain to go to the ER as that could be my ovary twisting.

There are still more follicles and bigger ones on the left side but that side doesn't hurt. Who knows.

7 is a good number. Dr. said he's happy with anything over 5 because that gives us a good chance of success.

We're increasing the Follistim to 400 to help the follicles grow larger and hopefully a few more will catch up.   Possible retrieval has been bumped to Thursday or Friday of next week.

Here's a pic of Nate preparing the injection last night. Wee fun!

Stim Day 7

Feeling ok.  Mornings are the best and by the time I get to work I have a headache and uncomfortableness again.  My right ovary is screaming at me more than the left and I have a bit of dizziness but so far no issues breathing.

Check up tomorrow morning so we'll know more about my hormone levels and follicle sizes then.

Stim day 6

So tired. I'm usually ok in the morning then get increasingly tired and uncomfortable throughout the day.  The doctor upped the dosage of Follistim from 250 to 325 and I'm extremely tired today.  Maybe my body is getting used to the increased dosage.  I feel like I might be running a slight fever today too.  I'll go home at lunch and take my temperature.  Maybe I'm just dressed to warmly.

Update- no fever. I'm just tired ... Have a couple more calls this afternoon them I'm going to come home again and nap.

Feeling significant twinges and more than slight pain in my right ovary area.  Not unbearable but pretty uncomfortable. Sigh.  It will all be worth it! 

Stim day 5 and Ultrasound

Again, I'm feeling so much better in the mornings.  Even after the 7 am Follistim shot.  Last night wasn't too bad either.  

I went for my blood work and ultrasound this morning.  The blood work results will be back later this afternoon.  The ultrasound showed things are progressing well.  I have 5 follicles developing in the right ovary and 6 on the left. They're small but its still early and the Dr. seems pleased.  He decided to up my dose of Follistim from 250 to 325 and schedule me to come back in on Friday.

The nurse thinks I was feeling crummy from the shock of all the hormones to my body going off the birth control pills and on to the stimulation injections.  The swelling will continue to get worse since the drugs have a cumulative effect but as of now its completely manageable.  I have to eat smaller portions more often though or I feel sick.

But yay for 11 little potentials growing! Come on babies! Not all of you just 1 or maybe at most 2! :)

Stim day 4 and back to work

Felt pretty good this morning but seems to go downhill from there. I had to eat my breakfast slowly and take small sips of water. Thankfully my job is at a desk but I may stand up from time to time and use the stand up desk to let things stretch ha. I'm feeling really bloated.

Can't wait until tomorrow's tests to see how things are progressing. Hopefully I won't have to be on this drugs for much longer 

Stim day 3

Woke up to get poked at 6:45 and felt so much better. Seems just about the time the drugs get out of my system it's time to put more in.

Weighed myself again and I've lost 3.5lbs? How is that possible? Maybe the no alcohol? I'll keep an eye in it. 

Hoping to get out of the house and go see the second hunger games movie today

8:28 pm update

Feeling more pressure and bloated than before. Seems to be worse in the evenings after the Menopur. I may have eaten too much at once or drank too much liquid at once.  So far no trouble breathing so that's good. How do women do this for 10-15 days?  Can't wait for my dr appointment on Tuesday so we can tell how much more I have to do. 

11/30 Stim Day 2

So far so good...

The Menopur shot last night seemed like a lot of liquid to inject but we went slow and the bump dissipated quickly.  So far I'm feeling a bit sore at the injection sites and a little tired but overall ok.  I know the drugs have a cumulative effect so we'll see how things go over the next few days. My first post injection blood test and ultrasound are on Tuesday morning.

I've been reading more about OHSS risks and things you can do to help prevent it.  Some doctors recommend drinking 20-32ounces of gatorade per day and eating salty foods. Not sure how that is supposed to help since salt makes you retain water which is exactly what you don't want to do if you have OHSS.  I'm going to email the nurse and see what she thinks.

11:45 am - update -

I'm feeling something... I think the ovaries are waking up. All of the sudden, pressure and bloated. I'm drinking a lot of water so that may be part of it but ugh, here we go.  One of the symptoms of OHSS is rapid weight gain. I just weighed myself so I'll keep an eye on it.  Sad that I've actually lost a couple lbs but I know its muscle mass from not being able to work out for the past few weeks.

11/29 Stim Day One

We woke up early to do the first Follistim shot so we could get it on schedule for 7 am and 7 pm daily.  I iced a spot on my belly for a few minutes first and it seemed to help. I barely felt the needle go in at all.

Then we went back to bed.  :)

With breakfast we both took Doxycycline
Lunch time I will take my prenatal and a baby aspirin
Dinner time we will take the 2nd dose of Doxy
7pm is a shot of Menopur

So far I feel fine. May even brave some of the black Friday craziness for yarn sales at Michaels :)

Last Day of Birth Control

We're home from our mini vacation to San Francisco.  Tonight is the last night I take birth control.  Seems silly that they put me back on birth control but I guess it regulates the hormones and they want to know exactly what's in my body.   Feeling cramp and bloated so I expect to have a period tomorrow or Friday.  Which is great timing for starting the antibiotics tomorrow and the shots Friday. I'm going to feel like a bloated pin cushion.

This kid better be worth it! :)

Base Line Ultrasound 11/25

Had blood drawn and first ultrasound prior to IVF drugs this morning. Dr. says no cysts and everything looks good.   Nate and I are off to San Francisco for a couple days to goof off and act like tourists.  Dr. doesn't think I'm at high risk for OHSS but after I told him about how I reacted to Clomid he wants me to stay in close contact if I get similar symptoms.

Now to go play!

IVF - How we got here and lots of stuff

I realize people are trying to help when they say, "Be patient, relax don't think about it and it will happen" but that unfortunately is not the case for us.

We've been trying to conceive for a year now.   After 6 months I made an appointment with my gynecologist since at my age (38) they recommend not waiting to seek help for longer than 6 months after trying.

She sent me for a slew of tests and determined that my FSH levels were a bit high.  Not out of the normal range for my age, but a bit elevated and could be causing some issues or be a sign of low ovarian reserve aka I'm running out of good eggs.  So off we went to the fertility clinic.

In most cases, fertility challenges are because there is something going wonky on the female side of the equation. The first thing they typically try is a round of ovary stimulating drugs with timed intercourse.  I was on 1 round of Clomid in July, 2013 and felt like a balloon had been shoved up inside me and inflated. Not fun at all.  I produced several sizable eggs and we did the HCG shot to control the timing of ovulation.  We followed the instructions and timing of when to have intercourse, and it obviously didn't work.

In the mean time, Nate was scheduled for a sperm analysis.  You'd think this would be one of the first things they do but it takes a few weeks to get in sometimes.  Turns out his count is incredibly low, mobility and quality is poor.  The chances of us ever conceiving naturally even if I'm in perfect health and have plenty of quality eggs, is 1 in millions.

So we were presented with a choice: Adopt, try IVF or don't have children.  We decided to try for IVF.

The benefit is we can still have a child from both of our DNA.  All they need is one healthy, normal shaped sperm for every healthy egg.  Nate's count is low but he still produced more than enough for what we need.   So here we go again.

We're on the calendar for December 2013 transfer.  These things take planning and scheduling way ahead of time.  A date, and sometimes time specific, calendar was created for us along with a very long list of stimulation drugs.  Of course insurance doesn't cover IVF procedures and medicines so we are paying for this out of pocket.  I'm very grateful we are in a financial position to be able to afford this.  My heart goes out to those who want to try but financially cannot make it happen.

The drugs scare me.  The list is so long and so many injections.  Ovaries are typically the size of an almond.  With all these stimulation drugs to get me to produce more eggs at once, they can grow to the size of your fist.  EACH. How does that fit inside?? Sigh.   One day at a time.

I have a starting point blood test and ultrasound on Monday 11/25 then Nate and I both start Doxycycline (antibiotic) twice a day for 10 days, on 11/28.  11/29 is my stimulation day 1 with a morning injection of Follistim and an evening injection of Menopur, one baby aspirin (81mg) and continuing with the antibiotic.   We continue this for several days.

On stimulation day 5, 12/3 I have my first blood test and ultrasound after starting the drugs.   They'll be looking for  how the ovaries are responding, and the dr will tell me if he wants me to increase or decrease the dosage.

2 days later on 12/5, stimulation day 7, I may have another blood test and ultrasound. I'm instructed to bring a 3rd injection drug called Ganirelix which is to help keep the eggs in my ovaries since they'll want to ovulate with so many jammed in there.  There may be a 4th injected drug called Lupron and I forget what it does but the dr will tell me if I need it.  From Stim day 8 and on, I'll have daily blood tests and ultrasounds to check growth. Once the Dr. determines there is enough they'll schedule the HCG shot to stimulate the body to get ready for ovulation. This is a specific timed drug. They may tell me to wake up and inject at 2 am depending on when my retrieval appointment is because my ovaries with dump everything in 36 hours regardless.

Wednesday 12/11, stimulation day 13 is the possible retrieval day.  I will be knocked out.  They go in vaginally with a thin needle to suck out all the follicles.   I may have to start yet another drug called Medrol, which is a low dose steroid to help my body not reject the eggs once they're implanted back inside.

On the day of retrieval they'll get a fresh batch from Nate and go to work in the lab.  They will fertilize as many eggs with as many healthy good sperm as they can then watch them grow.

I can stop the stimulation drugs, but have to take the steroid and oral and vaginal hormones to help support the healthy environment for the fertilized eggs once they are back in my body.

Post retrieval day 3 or day 5 may be when they transfer them back in. It really depends on how many grow and how fast.  They'll choose 2-4 best ones and freeze the rest. Again the number depends on the day they go in, how well they've grown etc.  Then, we go home and think happy thoughts.

Post day 14, which will be 12/25 if everything lines up, is the time for the pregnancy test.  Of course that is Christmas day so not sure the labs will be open but we can go the next day for sure.

That's enough for now.  Lots of information. If my family or friends who are following this have questions feel free to post and I'll answer the best I can.  Your prayers and positive thoughts through this process will be much appreciated.

Beginning IVF

Today I went and picked up over $4k worth of drugs that are not covered by insurance for the IVF cycle starting in December.  The giant bag of drugs scares me more than the financial cost of doing this.    I'm concerned about risking my health mostly. The side effects can be extremely uncomfortable and rarely, but not SO rare at 2%, have ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome  which can be life threatening although treatable.

I'll add more later since we have a performance of Zombie Prom tonight. Finding the IVF support group on Facebook has been helpful.

Why does this feel like a competition? One of my Facebook acquaintances just announced on line that she is having twins. Its so hard to be happy for her and not just plain mad.

I begin taking Follistim and Menopur injections next Friday.