Back from Hysteroscopy # 2

Back from hysteroscopy # 2. My uterus looks normal except for some "fluffy not quite scar tissue" around my fallopian tubes. He did a biopsy to test it for chronic inflammation. Dr wants to keep me on antibiotics longer this time around to help with that in hopes that it will make my lining grow more. Home resting and bleeding quite heavily. Fingers crossed this helped. Sure wasn't a pleasant experience.

Going in for Hysteroscopy Tomorrow and I have a Cold :(

We come back from vacation and Nate gets sick. Then, I get sick. YAY :(

We're still on for the hysteroscopy tomorrow morning though.   Not looking forward to the misopropostol and doxycycline again.

This article made me laugh though :)

http://mamadeux.wordpress.com/2013/06/21/top-10-crappy-things-they-dont-tell-you-about-ivf/

Feeling Down

Finally talked to Dr. Harris Friday night.  He really wants to do the hysteroscopy and endometrial scraping/scratch.   He doesn't suspect to find anything to biopsy, but he wants to make sure.  Plus some studies have shown the scratch can help encourage the lining to grow back stronger. So, no major cutting unless they find something strange in there.   I think the possible benefits outweigh the risks so we'll do it.  Waiting to hear from the scheduler.

We leave for Maine on Saturday. I can't wait. I've been fighting feeling really down lately. Bored with this waiting game.

It's so hard not to feel jealous, sad, and angry when others are successful at something we've been trying so hard at.  It's hard not to feel like it's a competition I'm failing at. I'm not used to failing.

Hysteroscopy # 2

Dr Harris called and left me a voice mail while I was at my piano lesson tonight. He has changed his mind and wants to do another hysteroscopy to see if he can determine why my uterine lining refuses to grow and possibly do an endometrial scraping to encourage my body to counteract and grow more lining.

It worries me because every time you start cutting away at something you risk damaging beyond repair and I need my uterus to be healthy. I'm not sure the risk is worth it since last time he went in there and took some samples they didn't find anything wrong.

Sigh. Another thing for me to worry about.

Nothing Much

Haven't posted in a long time. Nothing much to say while we wait for the time to go by.  We're keeping busy and I've been taking all my fertility supplements. It's like a second breakfast of pills every morning. Yay :(.

I had hoped beyond hope that maybe we had conceived naturally this past month but no.

I've been going back to FNS working out hard now for 6 weeks.  I've only lost 2lbs. I'm watching what I eat and cut way back on the booze and all I get is 2lbs.  I'm certain my hormones are still out of whack.

We're on the schedule for October for another fresh cycle, so to regulate my hormone levels I start birth control pills again tomorrow night.  I'm kind of glad because it will take away the what ifs and hopefully help my body find some normalcy again, even though I know it will be temporary.

We are heading to Maine in a little over 3 weeks for a vacation. I'm looking forward to it.  After that it looks like I'll be heading to Denver for a few days in the beginning of October for a work conference.

Oh plus I'm taking Tracy over Labor Day weekend to the spa and wine tasting :)  See.. keeping busy!

Buying a Miracle

Just moved another 12K from savings to checking to pay for October's fresh cycle. I feel like I'm a high roller placing a bet on a lucky number. I hope 4 is our lucky number.  This will be our 4th try if you count the 1 fresh that was canceled and 2 frozen.

Yesterday was really frustrating. Kaiser cant communicate internally and even though I called last month they still didnt have me on the list for October.  It seems to be squared away now but so incredibly frustrating to have to project manage my own IVF!

In addition to that frustration, I still haven't had a period since after the chemical pregnancy. I had a cycle when that ended but now its been 38 days and no period.  I went in for blood tests this morning, but I know I'm not pregnant since I've taken two tests recently. All of these hormones have really messed with my system.

I'm trying to decide whether or not to go back to FNS. I miss the people and the workouts but I don't want anything overly intense.  Sigh.


Update - Test results confirm I'm not pregnant but the estrogen and progesterone levels are still slightly elevated from the last cycle. Dr thinks I'll get my period in 7-10 days and if not, to call him and he'll investigate further.   So tired of my system being all messed up.

The Infertility Game

Funny, sad, and true...

Feeling crampy today and its cycle day 29 so expecting my period any minute. We actually timed things this month just to see what if, but I'm 99.9% sure it didn't work.

Looking forward to a weekend of wine tasting and being off my diet in Healdsburg.